shifting gears

When I signed into blogger, I fully intended to write about how much I loved Benjamin Button - basically to tack on to Chance's short blog last night. And...it really was the best movie I've seen in a very very very long time. But...then I got the air knocked out of me.

Not literally. Figuratively, of course. I just realized today was John's birthday. And...well...that just kinda brought me back to last year, just a few days after Christmas, when I found out John Schuessler wasn't with us any more. There's honestly not much I can say in this blog about it - I'm having trouble verbalizing my thoughts. It's been great to watch Laura come so far through the year, and it's been amazing to see how many people still love him and miss him, and how many lives he affected during his 22 years. It's just sad that he didn't make it to 23. I'm glad he's with the Lord right now, but selfishly, I want to call him and tell him happy birthday. I didn't last year - and I regret that. I messaged him on facebook...but does that count?

Maybe I need to take this into consideration. I've been so bogged down lately with the stress of work and the holidays...it's been hard to balance time with people vs. time getting things done. I keep putting 'hanging out' off until after the holidays. But will it be too late then?

Ugg. Like I said, I can't verbalize. I can't finish this. There's no conclusion, no real 'point' to the blog. Just, needed to say SOMETHING. I miss you, Schuess. Life is precious.

John Schuessler wrote
at 3:36am on May 14th, 2005

Claire, you are an awesome lady. A fine lady of true gentility...and that of the deepest kind...the woman who has Proverbs 31 written on her heart rather than her mind...who has a desire to wife and mother and be a mother to the lonely so that it eats away at you inside. You are someone I treasure...and I only wish I could somehow be there during all those feelings that tear at your heart...but He prepares in darkness what He will reveal in light...and so are you...a woman who is to be so beautiful from heart to smile...that fire is the only thing hot enough to purify such a precious stone...you are a jewel held close to His heart...though feelings do lie...He sings over you as your Beloved totally enraptured with His bride...you. You are beautiful, and it is a huge blessing to me...for reals...to be a small part of your life.-John

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